The Comeback: From Rejected to Accepted
Everyone has (or will have) that story about being defeated by life and coming back 10 times stronger (Alexa, play “Get up 10” by Cardi B). I’ve already had a few of them, but this is one in particular that I feel is important to share with the world and my future self. I’ve never talked about my feelings about this experience with anybody because I am very much an individual who prefers to navigate my emotions by myself but now that this chapter of my life is closed, it’s time. As we grow older we begin to realize that rejection isn’t as detrimental as it used to seem and that life goes on; people usually adopt a version of the idea that what is meant for you will not pass you by. Right now, I have a fortune in the back of my phone case that says, “Failure is the chance to do better next time” to serve as a reminder that failure is normal and inevitable. Now, allow me to get off my soapbox and tell you this story.
I remember the spring of my junior year in high school seeing people start to receive their acceptance letters from the program and thinking, “I want that.” The idea of the program was fascinating to me. That fall, I began to work on my application and I sought advice from some first-year students who went to my high school. They looked over my experiences and my general outlines for the essays that I would write and provided some insight as well as interview tips when that time came around. I spent an unreal amount of time refining my application to the point where I submitted it on October 31st (a day before the deadline) because I kept making minor adjustments and being obsessive over the idea of a “perfect application.” The wait to January was antagonizing. It felt like the longest 3 months of my life. When I received my interview offer, I was so proud of myself and felt as though all the time I poured into that application had paid off. It would be another month until the interviews were conducted. I have already discussed my first experience with the MMI process in this post, but the big picture was that I came out of interview day feeling as though I had performed disastrously. It was so rough that I truly felt I had ruined my shot and I still believe to this day that was probably a big part of my rejection. Anyways, you don’t receive an admissions decision until March or April; that wait felt even longer than the 3 months before because there was so much on the line.
The decision came March 13 after I got home from school that day and while I don’t remember the exact vision of the moment it happened (your brain tends to suppress bad memories associated with significant feelings of stress or trauma), I vaguely remember an overwhelming feeling of loss and defeat. At that moment, I began to question if I was cut out for medicine or if there was something wrong with me. After a while, I came to terms with the rejection and began working on my plan to take on the traditional 4/4 path. I had only applied to UMKC and Missouri S&T and I got accepted to both, but I decided that if I were to reapply to the program as a college transfer it would be better to have my undergraduate experience at UMKC. With that being said, I went off to UMKC in the fall of 2019 as a biology major with a minor in chemistry.
It was hard to be on the same campus and live in the same dorms as the class I had been rejected from. Don’t get me wrong, all the students were very nice and respectful but the program is very tight-knit and the students tend to stick together (obviously). I always saw them going off to docent in the mornings in their white coats as I walked to my 8:30 AM history lecture and that was always something that stung. Or it would be something as simple as someone wearing their class shirt that would bring back feelings of jealousy and hurt that I just learned to deal with. There were so many little instances like those that would bring up the memory of being rejected and over time, I convinced myself that I just wasn’t meant for the program or there was something better in store for me. Eventually, I tolerated the idea of pursuing the traditional 4/4 route. It’s not easy to admit that I felt this way because nobody ever likes to talk about their feelings of envy or jealousy, but I want to be as real as I can here because it matters. I soon decided that I wasn’t going to reapply for the next class and I think the biggest reason is because I didn’t want to face that kind of rejection again. Call it cowardly, but you also have to call it real. Here is how I changed my mind.
Around mid October, my sister and I went to The Cheesecake Factory to celebrate my birthday earlier that month. I was aware that the application was open for the program but I had decided against trying again and I brought this up to her toward the end of our lunch. She gave me a bit of a pep-talk and some life advice about not being afraid to try again and I think the line that changed my mind was simply, “What do you have to lose?” Nothing. I had nothing to lose. She went on to explain that this program is very non-traditional and that I shouldn’t feel “less than” for going down the path almost every doctor has had to. After that, I went home and thought about it for several days and went back and forth because the deadline was quickly approaching and I didn’t know if I would be able to come up with all that I needed to. I eventually said, “F*** it” and took the shot in the dark. I contacted the individuals who would provide recommendations and I began the application again.
Stress, stress, and more stress ensued over the next two weeks trying to pull everything together. There were hiccups with the recommendation providers and writing blocks with the essays and trying to simultaneously adapt to college life. Nonetheless, I got everything finished and submitted just barely on time. It’s worth noting that this time around I was able to document my ED internship, more shadowing, involvement with the Pre-Medical Society at UMKC, and fall GPA. This is important because it shows that I continued to pursue my interest in medicine despite being rejected; I had more to show for myself now. The wait this time to hear about an interview felt much shorter and I almost forgot about it entirely because I was so focused on my academics. I did receive an interview offer, and this time I felt like this was the turning point for me where it was no longer a “meh” feeling about it all but it became something I wanted badly again. By this point in my life, I had matured tremendously and really felt as though this was meant for me. Somewhere along the lines here I met a first-year student in the basement of the dorms waiting for my laundry and somehow we got to talking about the program. I asked for advice about interviewing and he literally sat down, had a full conversation with me, and showed me some websites with sample MMI questions. I continued to see him every so often and he was always so supportive and genuinely curious about my feelings towards it all. I still talk to him to this day 🙂
The day of the interview came and went and this time around I felt like I nailed it; I held myself with confidence and I felt much more secure in that high-pressure environment. This time, the month after the interview wasn’t filled with fear, but almost an excitement. This was around the time the pandemic started to hit locally and UMKC made the decision to transition completely to online learning, so I had to move out of the dorms back to my home. The decision came on March 25th and I remember being outside on my back porch when I got the e-mail notification on my phone. I saw in the preview it said “Congratulations! You have been…” and I immediately opened it. My entire body froze as I continued to read to offer of admission and I started jumping, screaming, and crying all at once. I threw the back door open and ran to my mom’s office to tell her the news. We jumped and had a short celebration before she had to get back to work. After that, I remember just sitting on the floor in my room and thinking about how proud of myself I was. I had worked my butt off for years to be able to receive this moment. Then I began to think about how proud my dad would be of me right now and that’s when the waterworks really started flowing. I did it.
The biggest lesson that this experience taught me was to never count yourself out or give up. I constantly think about the only thing that was in the way between me and an acceptance letter this time around was myself. If I hadn’t reapplied, I would have missed the biggest opportunity of my life yet all because I didn’t believe in myself quite enough. It has actually made me grateful that I got denied the first time because I needed to learn how to be relentless in the face of rejection. A part of me wonders if I didn’t know how to persevere through this kind of adversity, would I have made it through the pressure of the program? I’ve completed my first semester at this point and I have seen how deeply this program can test you and push you to your breaking point. I’m not sure that I could have done it without the level of personal growth I had achieved within that year between applications. Everything happens for a reason, I suppose.
So if you’re looking for a sign not to give up, this is it. Whether you clicked and read through this post hoping for a sign or just for fun, I hope that you’re going to walk away now with a little bit of inspiration for the next time life tries you.
Some Quotes that Keep Me Going
Success is not built on success. It’s built on failure. It’s built on frustration. Sometimes it’s built on catastrophe.
Anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve.
J.K Rowling
The one who falls and gets up is so much stronger than the one who never fell.
Medical school is not a place for smart people but for those who are insane enough to dream of it, pray for it, work hard for it, and live for it. It is for those who are crazy enough to want the sense of purpose that fuels their veins. And if it is insanity, then let it be, for even if it means more sleepless nights, more examinations to pass, more years in the university, and more sacrifices to endure, nothing will change. I will still keep choosing this path over and over again even for a hundred more days and a thousand more years. And nothing in this world can stop me from taking an adventure as worth taking as this, even for a million more lifetimes.
